"Toxic Sibling Rivalries" by Lawrence S. Perry, B.S., M.Div

Toxic Sibling Rivalries 

In the 4th chapter in the book of Genesis, we are introduced to the tragic story of two brothers.  The firstborn son was Cain and the second was named Abel. Their parents were Adam and Eve. Cain, the older, was a tiller of the soil, while his brother tended to the flocks. When it came time to make their offering to God, Cain offered up the first fruits of his crop, while Abel offered the fat portion of his animal sacrifice. When the gifts were received by God, He appreciated the animal sacrifice of Abel's above the crop offering of Cain's. In response, Cain grew in anger at his brother, the result leading Cain to seek revenge. So, Cain killed his younger brother. This story is the first recorded episode of human violence and toxic sibling rivalry. When God confronted Cain and inquired about Abel, Cain responded, "Am I my brother's keeper?" This story is the first recorded drama of human violence,  but it would not, however, be the last.

As we continue reading in Genesis, we come across the story of Jacob and Esau, the sons of Isaac. Now, in those days it was a custom to give your blessing to your first-born son. This blessing was a critical gift for the well-being of your first male child. In this case, it would have been Esau. The boys' mother, however, favored the younger brother Jacob, and she conspired with Jacob to steal his older brother's blessing. Consequently, when Esau was out hunting for the family, the younger son snuck into his father's tent posing to be the older son. Since his father had failing eye sight, he could not tell one son from the other. As a result, Jacob tricked his father and received the blessing meant for his brother! And, with this blessing, Jacob would have nations honoring and kneeling before him. When Esau discovered he was robbed of his father's blessing, the boy wept. Esau was angry, and Jacob had to flee from his brother's wrath. Yet, in doing so, Jacob discovered his destiny with history.  This saga of toxic, sibling rivalry continues on from biblical times to the present day. If you look, it is everywhere, if not within your own family, then in families close to you.

When toxic, sibling rivalries are allowed to fester within families, such emotions disrupt the family unit and in extreme cases can even lead to violence. Such relationships can last a lifetime with no resolution. These rivalries not only affect the family unit, but such discord can even creep into a community.  

Allow this thought to percolate in your mind. When Cain slew Abel, this was not the first time that Cain's anger got the best of him. I submit that this rivalry was an ongoing saga between the two brothers. I imagine that Cain's angry emotions kept building until he exploded in a fit of rage! And why not? Growing up in a household of boys, you have to ask yourself what young boys do? They learn how to fight. They cultivate jealousies and plot out their revenge. This pattern of behavior may follow them into their adult years if not resolved.  

Families are sacred spaces! In this wonderful institution created by God, parents are given the awesome responsibility to teach their children in the ways of righteousness. In this loving setting, children can see what it means to be honorable. Children can learn what it means to be forgiving. In a righteous household, trust is something that is developed and cherished. Honesty is part of the code of conduct.When mistakes are made, children are not harshly treated, but treated with mercy so that they can be merciful. Most of all, children are directed to grow into the persons that God intended them to be.  

In the stories of Cain and Abel and Jacob and Esau, siblings did not grow up valuing the uniqueness from the other. They did not lift each other up and support the individualization of their brothers. In doing so, they could not recognize that they had their own unique gifts and that they were each special in God's eyes. They were not taught that one of their roles was to encourage and lift up their siblings. In essence, to be their brother's keeper. When brothers do this, they won't become competitive or jealous of the other. Stop for a moment and think about healthy families. When you see siblings supporting and encouraging one another, is not conflict greatly reduced?  Does not their love for each other glow like the morning sun?  

In closing, allow me to raise one more troubling thought. If siblings grow up in a household of conflict and jealousy, it is difficult to set aside those memories. There is no denying that you experienced that hurt. If you think about it, your memory may be distorted. For example, have you ever returned, after a long absence, to your grandmother's house as an adult and discovered that her house was not as big as you remembered it?  In fact, now it looks quite small.  Is it possible that our memories hold the same perspective? That which is large when we were young has now grown small as we became adults. Yet, we react as if those hurtful memories are still large. We have the capacity to change our perspective if we are willing to break through our denial of memories that have been distorted. 

Remember, that on that Good Friday when Jesus painfully hung on the cross, He never talked about that experience and memory after His resurrection. His perspective had changed; He didn't look back.  Instead, He pointed us to the future. 










  

Do you believe in miracles, p.t 2 by Lawrence S Perry, B.S., M.Div

Do You Believe in Miracles (pt 2)

Another Miracle

Have you ever heard of the Loretto Chapel in Santa Fe, NM? It is known worldwide for its spiral staircase. How it was constructed, however, remains a mystery. The staircase was built to allow access to the choir loft. The chapel was operated by seven nuns who prayed for a carpenter who could build the staircase and complete the building project. There was one problem, how to build in such a small space.  

On the 9th day of their prayer vigil, a stranger arrived at the church and informed the nuns he was looking for work and could fulfill their request on one condition. He had to work alone, and no one was to be present while he was working.

What this carpenter built still baffles experts to this day. He built a spiral staircase using no nails nor glue. The structure does not have a central support beam, and the wood used was not common to the area. When the project was completed, the sisters wanted to throw a banquet in the carpenter's honor, but he was nowhere to be found.  He had just disappeared, not leaving a trace of who he was or where he was from. The sisters wondered if he was St. Joseph? 

The story of Loretto Chapel has been researched, studied, books have been written and movies made of this mystery and questions still remain.  The story is grounded in both truth and myth. What remains and stands before everyone who visits the chapel is that a unique, beautiful staircase exists that captures one's faith and imagination. What is true of Loretto Chapel, is also true of my experience of the bombing at Cokeville Elementary School.

Breakdown of a Miracle

When all of the students were packed into classroom 4, it was hot and the fumes from the bomb were making the students ill. So, some of the teachers asked if they could move the desks out into the hall. That was done, and as a result, the students could sit on the floor closer to the ground. In addition, the teachers were allowed to open the windows and doors to provide cross-ventilation, thereby blowing out the gas fumes. Furthermore, one of the teachers put a taped perimeter around the bomb so that the children would not get close to it, which kept the kids a number of feet from the device.  These actions were lifesaving! When the bomb was accidently discharged, it didn't blow out but up into the ceiling. Because the children were seated on the floor, many were saved from the blast.  

What cannot be explained, however, was the fact that the bomb was constructed in two parts. The upper part detonated, but the bottom portion did not! With regards to John M., the music teacher who was shot, the perpetrator was carrying two hand guns, a .22 cal. and a .357 cal. When David tried to stop John in the hallway, David pulled out the .22 cal. and shot John.  If he had pulled out the .357, there is no telling if John would be alive today. In addition, the doctor at the emergency room explained that when John was shot in the back, the bullet had an unexplained path. The bullet entered his back heading toward his spine. The bullet, for some unknown reason, went around his spine and lodged in his shoulder blade.

There was also one more intriguing story.  Some of the Mormon children reported that some people dressed in white were in the room.  They said they were angels.  

As one who believes in angels, I cannot dispute this claim. On the other hand, when I spoke to the teachers, none of them could confirm that story. In fact, all summer long I listened to their stories, and no one mentioned angelic beings present in the classroom. What we are left with is, that like the miracle at Loretto Chapel, this story is also grounded in fact and myth. What I do know was that there were lots of prayers being lifted up both within the classroom and outside of the building. The fact remains that not a child, teacher, or staff person was killed. And that was the true miracle!

Do You Believe in Miracles? pt. 1 by Lawrence S. Perry, B.S., M.Div

Do You Believe In Miracles?

How would you answer that question?  If you said no, what is the reason behind your reasoning? Would you say that miracles go against scientific reasoning?  Would you say that you never witnessed a miracle, therefore, they do not exist?  How about you just don't know!  If you said yes, how would you justify your thoughts? Can miracles be proven?  Have you experienced a miracle in your own life?  Or do you accept the notion that miracles must be received on the basis of faith?  You may believe because the foundation of the Christian faith is built upon on the story of the Virgin birth and the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. So, you believe, but perhaps you still have questions as to whether miracles still happen?  Allow me to share my story, and you can decide.

Background for the Story

In 1984 I was assigned to a small country church in Cokeville, WY. It was one of three mission churches I oversaw in the western part of the state. As one of my duties, I established a chaplaincy program for the Lincoln County Sheriff's Office. The idea being that when a serious problem arose in the field, the chaplain could respond and provide spiritual comfort to victims and families.  Having worked as a deputy sheriff in CA, this new responsibility was a good fit. To my surprise, it didn't take long before my services were called into action.

On a beautiful spring afternoon, I received a call from the Sheriff's Dispatch to respond to Cokeville, which was 45 miles away. I was called to assist in a hostage situation. The day was May 16th, which will forever be etched in my mind. Also, I was instructed to pick up Fr. Sullivan, the Roman Catholic priest, who also had a small congregation in that small community. Apparently, someone was holding the entire elementary school hostage!

On our drive to Cokeville, we drove in silence. All the time, I was thinking that this must be a mistake. No one takes a whole school hostage, not in a small community in Wyoming! Surely, this would all be over by the time we got there and learned that it was a big hoax. Nothing could be further from the truth. Just in case, in our silence, I was offering up my prayers.

When we arrived, I parked just off one of the main streets where we could observe the school. Quickly, I surveilled the scene and witnessed the chaos. This was no hoax. One- to two-hundred parents were yelling and screaming on the road that led to the school. They were headed to the school. Looking at the school, I could see smoking coming from one of the classrooms and a rush of children and adults pouring out of the building. Knowing that in Wyoming everyone who drove a pickup truck had a rifle hanging in the back window. My immediate concern was that they would take things into their own hands. I also knew the Sheriff's office was  busy trying to control what was taking place inside the building. I told Fr. Sullivan that we had to keep this angry and emotional crowd back. We were both wearing our clerics, and thus, we were signs of authority, which helped. Then, the situation grew in greater intensity. From the classroom, two deputies were dragging a woman's body from the classroom window. The way they were dragging her, I knew she was dead. If she were a teacher or suspect, I didn't know. But, all of my experience was telling me the situation was now critical.  

As kids and faculty continued to pour out of the building, many of them ran to me for safety. I directed them to where my truck was parked and where they would be out of harm's way. There were 136 kids in that school at the time. In addition, there were 9 teachers and 6 staff, plus a UPS driver and a young teacher applicant fresh out of college. Of this group, 16 kids and 6-7 of the teachers attended my small mission. Six of my kids had to be rushed to the hospital with burns. I had quickly learned that John, the music teacher and one of the members of my congregation had been shot, and he was also sent to the hospital in Montpelier just across the border in Idaho.  

The woman whose body was pulled out of the classroom was Doris
Young. The other suspect in the bombing was her husband David Young. Both individuals were former residents of Cokeville. In fact, David was a former town marshal but was dismissed after his probation. He shared the same fate as his wife. What was their motive? They were seeking to extort 2-million dollars from the Mormon Church and were using the children and staff as their bait! So, when the threat was over, I learned the details.  

Early in the afternoon, the Youngs entered the school well-armed and rolled in a crude, homemade bomb made of gasoline, gun powder and shrapnel. The bomb had a crude, triggering device which was attached by a string. The device was transported on a grocery cart. Once inside the school, they took over classroom four. They also seized the administration office and had the staff announce that they were coming to an assembly. The entire school population was then crammed into classroom 4, which was the homeroom of one of my parishioners.

Once everyone was under control in the classroom, David Young had to go to the bathroom. He gave his wife the detonation string which made everyone nervous. When she would talk, she waved her hands around until she accidently set off the bomb! Pandemonium followed which allowed students and staff to escape from the building. David Young returned to the classroom and found his wife critically injured, so he shot her. He then retreated to the bathroom where he took his own life. Although a handful of the children were burned by the blast, none of them was critically injured. All of the adults made it out safely except John M., the music teacher who was confronted by David Young in the hallway.  John had been shot in the back but made it out of the building.

Aftermath  

After the bombing, the injured had to be sent to hospitals, children reunited with parents, and a roll call of students and staff was made to make sure everyone was accounted for. So, they tried to gather everyone at a staging area. By this time, my immediate concern was for John M who was on his way to Montpelier Hospital which was about 30-miles away. I didn't know the extent of his injuries, but I needed to be there for him and his wife.   

At the hospital, we found John M resting comfortably. We learned that he had been shot in the back with a .22 caliber handgun. The wound was serious; the bullet had almost entered his spine.  

That Sunday I held services at  St. Bartholomew's in Cokeville, and the small log cabin church was full! Knowing how the tragedy was averted, there were many prayers of thanksgiving!  We came very close to losing everyone who was packed into that 32- by 30-foot classroom. The incident has been called the Miracle at Cokeville. The story made the national news, and Hollywood even took the lead in making a movie about the incident. For those who lived through it, it took many months to heal the memories. But what helped was that those teachers, staff and students knew that they were all in God's hands.

In my next post, I will explain more of how that miracle took place.