Exiled!

Introduction:  One of the first stories told in the Bible is the story of the expulsion of Adam and Eve from paradise. Their story is our story because it records how humanity has sought to return to a personal relationship with God after they've fallen from grace. This drama of exile continues throughout the Old Testament until a dramatic event. That event was that God became one of us in the person of Jesus Christ! Through Christ, we are no longer exiles but children of God. As God's children, we have the gift of eternal life. This gift is our inheritance, given to us by Christ who died for our sins and more importantly rose from the dead, defeating death once and for all. Consequently, we are free to live our lives without fear or doubt. This is the Good News of the Bible! Yet, there are those among us who have not heard the Good News or who deny its existence. The result is they, like

Adam and Eve, are still living in exile. Like the prodigal son, they search for joy in their lives but seek to find it in the wrong places.

Exile:  So, what does it mean to live in exile?  Have you ever experienced exile in your life? Are you looking for that elusive state of joy in your life?  In search of an answer, where do we begin?

Whether we recognize it or not, we have all lived in exile to one degree or another. If you have been pushed out, kicked out, discriminated against because of the color of your skin or what you believed, you have been exiled. Just look at what is taking place in our culture today with the corona virus.  If you're sick, you must be quarantined or isolated. If you're over 65-years old in California you're exiled in your own homes. You don't have the freedom to go to a restaurant or to go to work. This pandemic has made us all exiles in our own land! 

Even before this virus struck, many people were forced into an exile existence. Talk to the woman who has just been divorced, and she will share her feelings of being exiled. She takes on a new status and she feels like people look at her differently. What about the alcoholic who has struggled with his illness and as a result has been shut out of his family?  Is he living in exile?  Then there is the solider who has just come back from a war zone deployment, does he or she live in an exile state? Speaking from experience, combat vets find it difficult to reintegrate back into society.

I can remember coming back from Vietnam in 1966; it was one of the most difficult transitions I had to face. In returning home, I felt like a stranger in my own land. When you return home, you are bringing all of your emotional baggage with you. You can leave Vietnam, but Vietnam never leaves you. Allow me to explain further. As a security policeman assigned to a K-9 unit, each night we had to go out and patrol the outer perimeter of the base with our dogs. We walked the night alone. We were the first line of defense. During my tour of duty, I had my share of encounters that affected the way I thought, acted and felt. To this day, I am still dealing with nightmares.  I can't tell you how many times I have been shot in the chest in my dreams in a combat situation. I am still haunted by the two airmen I almost shot as they tried to climb over a perimeter fence in the middle of the night to get back onto base as they stood in a kill zone. Then, there was the time I slept through a firefight just below my post. My worst night came when I encountered a VC probe and I opened fire! 

When I was called home on emergency leave due to a family tragedy, I tried to engage with old high school friends, but I had changed. I could not engage with them because their life experience was no longer mine. When I left Vietnam to return home, I left my innocence behind. I was a different person and as a result, I entered into a self-imposed exile. My exile would last for years, buried deep within my soul. I was living in exile, and I didn't even recognize my condition. That is until I began seeking medical treatment at the VA Hospital.

Every time I went in for an appointment, the hospital staff kept asking me if I have PTSD?  My answer was a quick no! I did not want the stigma of such a medical tag. However, over time I kept looking back and upon a deep examination of my life, the nightmares, feeling cautious around strangers, flashbacks, and having the need to have two guns in my nightstand, it was time to face my demons.  I had to break through my denial and face the facts. I needed to find the answers to the questions I had not raised.  I accepted the reality that if I was going to accept my past, I needed to look into the future. I began the journey of self-discovery and started to see a VA counselor. 

What I found to be true regarding my life's experiences was true regarding my spiritual experience as well. Like Adam and Eve, I had to accept the reality that I was living in exile with one foot in the doorway.  It wasn't that I was a bad person; however, I had to admit that even though I was religious and went to church on occasion, I was not deeply committed to my faith. My faith was like an insurance policy, you kept it available just in case you needed it in an emergency. If I was going to break out of my exile and denial, I had to reevaluate my relationship with Jesus Christ.  

During this time of crisis, we have a blessed opportunity to reflect on our lives.  This virus has forced us to re-examine our piorites.  Perhaps, we can look at the many things we took for granted, like going to a resturant, having coffee with a friend at Starbucks, or hiking in the mountains. Most importantly, in our moments of isolation, we are beginning to realize that we need each other.  The doors of opportunity are waiting to be opened if we are willing to break through our denial and accept that we were once exiles in our own land.  And, in this Holy Week, we can celebrate or rediscover that we are free at last!